Love writes a letter and sends it to hate
"My vacations over I'm coming home late,
The weather was fine and the ocean was great,
and I can't wait to see you again."

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
"No one here cares if you go or you stay,
I barely even noticed that you were away
I'll see you or I wont, whatever."

Love sings a song as she sales through the sky
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies
and also, when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets,
and shakes hands with every loner he meets,
With a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely, with suit case in tow.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live, and a reason to grow,
To trust,
To hope,
To care.

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.
Without much regard to the moon or the stars,
Lazily killing the last of a jar
Of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.
As soon as he sees her hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after at the end of the ride,
Cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive,
He screams o'er the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says :55,
and the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting patient and kind,
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign,
That the one that she cares for who's out of his mind
Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door,
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor.
He says, "Love, I'm sorry."
And she says, "What for? I'm yours and that's it whatever,
I should not have been gone for so long, I'm yours and that's it forever.
You're mine and that's it, forever."

Today I realized that I absolutely hate expensive food. When you go a restaurant that people have said "Oh it's really nice there, expensive but delicious!" You've got to expect that all they have on the menu is seafood. I hate all seafood unless its like tuna fish in a can or the fried part of clam cakes. I hate how much that makes me an American, but what else could I really be. That's a whole other conversation all together though.
But going to Spain today for my grandparents 60th anniversary, I searched the menu finding one thing that I could eat that wasn't salad, which of course is pasta. The bread first off was disgusting, having that thick crust shit to it. The pasta was about 5 portion sizes too big for me and I was full after 4 bites. The fact that I was sick probably guided that along though.
I don't care how many times they spit in the food, drop it on the floor, have a rat shit in it, I haven't gotten sick yet. No one's died of bad food poisoning from a chain restaurant that I know of. I love TGI fridays, I love filling up on spinach dip then ordering buffalo chicken for my meal and having to wrap it up cause I got too filled up on the chips, but ordering a shot dessert anyway. I dont love not being able to read what's on the menu, having lilttle to no selection after taking out all the choices I would never get, and hating my food and the snobby waiter in the end.
Back to the American thing, yea I'm a filthy American, but what else can I be. People say they hate admitting how American they are but what else do you wanna be? German? Italian? Just suck it up youre a slob and your secretly proud of it cause what other life could you really live?
why are my posts always so lame

I remember when I was little, sitting behind people in church. I would want to reach towards them, punch them, fix their shirt, pick lint off of them, do something. I focused on the back of them so hard, and on moving my arm, I used to actually lose sense of my arm being there. One time I was focusing so hard I actually reached out to some lady, luckily my mom was watching and swatted my hand away. I hadn't even realized I had done it.
It hasn't really changed much. Although I haven't been to mass in a while, the times I have i find myself staring at the person in front of me, just having a strange urge to punch them as hard as I can. Sometimes I feel like whipping my legs over the pews, jumping up onto the chandeliers and swinging from light to light. I invision it perfectly in my head. I guess its my body responding to the boredom and stiffness of being surrounded by zombified catholics.
School this year pretty much sucks. My classes are extremely boring, and I can already sense a blow up happening towards January. I have a feeling that something big is going to happen. It's going to be horrible and make me miserable and confused and frustrated. But I'll get something good out of it.
Maybe it's just me being weird and lame.
I can't bring myself to do any homework because honestly none of it seems important in the least bit. It's a little ridiculous all these books they're giving us. I understand maybe math, Spanish, even history. But English and Chemistry? Those two classes are definitely scheduled to be the worst. I have not had a good English class since seventh grade, so I don't even know why I bother trying to take honors. Graphic design will be good, it's art, and it's Ms. McGinnis. History seems alright, the teacher is decent and I've been stuck with the same group of acquaintances forever so I guess I'll deal with them again. Same with Math. Spanish doesn't seem as irritating as last year, but it kinda sucks that there is only two boys in the class. Dalton and Bissel. Gym is gym.
I feel more comfortable with Jeremy this year. In school I mean. I don't really see him as much, so far, but I feel more relaxed walking with him. I know it's always a quick hello and I'll see him at the end of the day. I have three lunches with him, we figured out, which is good.
Who knows, the year has barely sprung, maybe it will get better. I'm excited for football games, dances and such. I can't wait for the fall weather to start. I do miss summer already but I bought a lot of clothes for fall and I plan to mix and match a lot.
I feel like every year, at the start of the year, like up until Christmass I have all good outfits, cute, stand out, matching, etc. Then I just get bored and repeat myself too much or start wearing scummier clothes.
I'm really happy that gym is first semester though. Gives me nothing really to worry about second half of the year.
I started writing down some classes I want to take as a senior, and I figured out they're all pretty much art.
AP english
AP calc
yearbook
journalism
gym/health 1/2
food tech 1/2
ceramics II 1/2
graphic design II 1/2
photo III 1/2
digital photography 1/2
drawing I 1/2
drawing II 1/2
foundations of art 1/2

Obviously I can't take all of them, but I'll figure it out towards the end of the year. I guess I like to be planned out. I also wanted to find out if there was a ceramics III. I'm pretty sure theres only two graphic designs. I wish I could take all of them and just switch off. Or I could just not take spanish and gym this year and no gym next year. That'd make everyone happier. Actually I'd be good if we had Italian and a dance class instead of gym. Like zumba or belly dancing or even kick boxing. I don't understand why they don't do something fun like that instead of gym. There's no point to gym. Maybe I should bring that up...
I hate it when you forget how hot some people are. But then I just remind myself that they're not worth it.

MONEY. It's so sickening to hear just one more person talk about this horrible economy. I honestly don't think you could go a day without hearing it. Saving up for this camera for more then a year, and getting from $10 away to $300 away in less then two weeks just broke me down. I'm utterly pathetic sounding? It wasn't the fact that "wah I can't get the camera I want poor fucking me" it's the fact that I can't commit to anything. Or I couldn't, now I feel like I've improved so much on that. And I was finally getting some where with it. I'm trying as hard as I can to sign up for zuma, kick boxing, belly dancing, at some point during the fall. Although I still havent started my book yet, or started job hunting which will be impossible anyway. But I've been taking pictures with my non digital camera anyway, jewelry business has been good, Keeping neat in my room, trying to be good with shopping money. I feel the change so much when I look at myself from last summer. I'm glad, I just wish other people that mattered could see that change. The only thing that's gotten worse is my exsauhstion. But I guess there's nothing I can do about that anyway either. The money from Bryant is coming and going quicker then I wanted, right now theres over 100 in that account, so unless the jewelry party works out well or I get a job I don't know when I'm going to get a camera. I'm slowly realizing how much of a piece of shit my ipod is too. My hope for the iphone is going down, verizon is saying if they come out with it, it would be around January 2010. Not that long of a wait but my mother, or myself would not like that extra $25 a month fee. So I'll most likely get the touch or whatever phone in november. Maybe I'll get a nice point and shoot and an itouch for Christmas. That nikon s70 looks perfect for me.
In other news, this summer is going well. Besides the fact that I'm supposed to be having my road test in less then 3 months and I've only driven about 3 times on the road and 4 in a parking lot.
"Mom, can I drive to this place?"
"NO! you need more expierience in a parking lot!"
I'm probably not going to be driving until my senior year or most likely after that anyway so I don't even fucking know what the point is. Once I get my camera I would like to save up for a car but I'm going to have to start saving up for Europe. Like Abby suggested, I will start keeping a sort of checking book with my money once I'm done with Bryant seeing as my parents feel the need to do everything for me including my time sheets, my checking account, handling my money. I just hope to God that a waitressing job is in my future for this year because even if it sucks, I would be so unbelievably happy with the expierience and the money.
I probably shouldn't be complaining so much. What's my book called? Oh yeah, Happiness.

Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you got a brand new key. I think we should get together and try them on to see.

Society wants nothing more to guilt you to death. They make you feel like complete shit for every thought or complaint that comes to your mind.
I feel like I'm not living my life to the fullest at this point because I don't get out and do the same fun stuff my friends do. Ben's in California meeting famous musicians and getting help and training with what could be his future job, rooming with someone his age and flying on airplanes by himself. I shouldn't compare, but when I'm home alone doing nothing I feel like I'm wasting time. Jason actually does stuff when hes home alone, he's teaching himself French. I have no motivation for anything.
When talking about talents with Kayla, she said she was disappointed in herself because she thought that she wasn't good at anything. Immediately I thought of flute but agreed with her when she was reluctant about it. I was good at Clarinet but you have to love it for it to actually count. I agreed with her saying I've always wanted to start something at a young age that I could grow with and would make me successful or respected but all I have to show for is board games and puzzles. She brought up my jewelry business which I could agree on then. It's my goal to say when I'm 30 years old and rich from this that I started it when I was 16 and have grown to something big. But now I can't even get a debit account until I'm 18 which penalizes me so much. I'm sick of my parents taking care of stuff like that for me. It's nice that they want to help me still but I need to learn, I need to teach myself and experience it or I'm afraid I wont be ready when it really matters. Like driving for example. Thanks mom, had my  permit for three months now and I've driven three times. Twice in a parking lot. How does she expect me to learn how to drive if she's not willing to brave up to the first times on the road?
Going back to my first subject, sort of, at Abby's party I really enjoyed making shirley temples for everyone. I'm definitely considering becoming a bartender as soon as I turn 18 as a way to pay my way through college. I like planning things too, and taking control. Organizing events, but I feel like I'm not creative enough in that field. Although I am very take-charge in group works, I'm very doubtful of my ideas. But I try to take everyones input and sort of work it through there.
People waste there time trying to impress those that make them feel uncomfortable. I'm going to work on that for next year, as well as my gossiping. I'm sick of hearing girls chatter about each other as soon as they turn their backs. I've been sucked into it for too long.
As I jump from topic to topic...
I really need to stop making excuses and find some motivations. None of my goals are being followed through. I promised myself I would lose 10 lbs by the end of the summer and I'm going to do it. I need a change. I'm getting a whole new wardrobe and it's about time my room is cleaned out again. Maybe I'll do that today with Kayla. When I think about my constant dreaming of the first day of school it gives me a buzz, I love the feeling of new jeans, new shoes, new bag, new look and walking in to a new year. But at the same time I really don't want summer to end. You never really expect what drama is going to come next.
After finding something new about Jeremy every month, I reflected on all the things I've learned from him. He taught me to not share things that really don't need to be shared. His embarrassing stories, that were not as nearly as bad as mine which have made there way around the school, have been locked in his head where they are eventually forgotten. From now on I plan to do that and not start a drama party with every stupid thing I do, rushing to tell all of my friends and freaking out when other people find out. I'm going to change myself, who I am hates who I've been with Ben. I never want to go back to that. This summer and next year will be a fresh start.

weird......

"You live in a private world all your own. Your home is a retreat from the world, where you admit very few. You tend to isolate yourself more then what is good for you. You have a distinct dislike for superficiality; you mistrust loud, aggressive or pushy people and find it hard to work with people who lack sensitivity. Grace, honesty and an unassailable aesthetic and moral code prevent you from acting underhandedly or particularly hurtful. You have elegance and grace in all that you do, you are a great admirer of sensuous beauty, particularly in people and paintings and you give your home a special touch. You have a strong soulful side and have empathy for all forms of human suffering. You see a distinct difference between being lonely (which you rarely are) and being alone (which you are often) You can become addicted easily to drugs, drink, sex. You crave peak experiences. You ask only to be accepted as you really are. You have few friends that you are close and loyal to. You can be snagged by a pretty face, sensuous voice or alluring body. Once attached to someone it becomes an addiction and when you decide to be free of your love object you experience powerful separation anxiety. Strengths: Soulful – Intimate – Graceful Weaknesses: Reclusive – Disappointed – Suffering"

I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now, right now.

Wow I didn't realize how little the letter "p" is used in the English Language, but mine is stuck right now and it's nice that I'm not really using it at all except like twice. Three times, whatever.
At work today....."work".....
At the place where I sit for four hours in boredom and get stared at by passing by tour groups, I was more aggravated then ever with the snobby old librarian that thinks of me as "the student."
Yet another confused Chinese lady came in to print something out only she had to use the guest computer. So this grimey old lady steals my...."custamor"....away from me and tells her exactly what to do, "The student will pick up your prints and hand them to you when they're ready." she repeats for the millionth time as if I'm some sort of machine that the Chinese lady is too afraid to use and the grime ball is just explaining that I'm very simple to use in fact behind all my scary wires and buttons.
Finally she leaves my booth and they say they're thank yous and happy shit. The printer is warming up, I can hear it, and I'm not about to go over and stand next to it awkwardly with the Chinese lady because I know it'll take about 3 minutes to finish warming up, so she starts pacing in and out of my booth, completely unaware of the black don't cross line that is usually only at banks. "E-scuze me?" she says sharply. I turn around slow because of my pounding brain and force a smile, "yes?" I ask. "Is da pwintew wewking?" she asks. "Yes it's just warming up It'll be out in a minute" I say. She nods and continues to pace. After 10 seconds she runs back to her computer and does who knows what while her paper prints out. I place it on the table and she comes back all flustered and confused searching for it in the printers. I guess she finally realized it was on the table because it printed out twice and they were gone after I dozed off for a minute.
Jeff came back in as well and thought to himself awkwardly for a few minutes while I swirled in my chair trying to stay awake. I felt stupid when he asked if I had his email and I said no taking out my cellphone to write it down while he handed me a business card instead.
On another note, so far this summer has been really good. Sort of like last year, doing something every day, nothing spectacular but at least I'm going out. I've realized how horrible girls can truely be and although I mostly get sucked into their gossip I have been trying to stop myself. At Abby's party I listened to the girls, while I went from group to group, talk about each other, and then go over and act like best friends.  And the girls who were being the most talked about, in my opinion were the sweetest ones there. I had fun, it was relaxing and I realized how much I do infact like to be in charge. I'm really thinking about going to bartending school when I turn 18 I think I would really enjoy it and make a lot of cosh monaye.

It's pretty sad how much my sister doesn't realize how much of a raging selfish bitch she is. When she hurts other people the most and when she's confronted about it she puts all the blame on them and all of the pity on herself. Maybe having a headache constantly is good now because I don't have the energy to scream at her back and she slowly realizes how horribile she is.
Forget it.
 

It's funny to watch how much a boyfriend or a girlfriend can change someone. One of my friends I met from the beginning of the year who was pretty dorky but still hilarious and sweet and I was myself around him since the day we met. Every time we hung out since then we all started noticing how he changed. How he didn't want to hang out as much. And although he was still our close friend, he chose his new girlfriend over everything else. Sure it's cool to hang out with your girlfriend/boyfriend one on one once in a while, but having them take over your life, being overly obsessed, thinking of long-long term relationship goals, and being uncomfortably PDA, that just gets annoying. We all learn through experience. Now, that they're separated, he's back to his normal goofy self and we actually talked to him without being interrupted.
I know I was like that. I think back and feel like its that much worse because I was younger too. Infatuation is taking over too young. But like I said, it's not something you can convince someone out of if they haven't experienced it yet. Maybe it's the hurt of heartbreak but it's scary jumping into another relationship after ending such a messy one. I'm being negative because I don't want to think of what's gonna happen next prom or even by the end of the summer. But I'm scared, I don't want the same things to happen again. I don't want serious anymore, but when you move in too fast, it's hard to undo it. Almost impossible. I regret getting into habits that can't be undone without someone getting hurt. But I suppose everything happens for a reason.
Now on another funny side, his brother is now going through the same thing he just went through. Used to be sweet, funny, goofy, and now a girl has taken over his life and he doesn't have time for anyone else. The first serious relationship, it's hard to go friends before boyfriend/girlfriend because you're afraid of losing them, and you're excited to try new things with them. Experiencing a first one, makes it easier to do better balancing friends and bg/gf out on the second one. But if its your bf/gf first serious relationship, it makes it harder as well. This is pretty confusing actually.
Through my experience, I try hard not to let boyfriends change who I am. I hate texting, but I do it all the time. I wish I didn't, but it's hard to get out of that habit of the usual check-ins and "what are you up to?" I know I annoy my friends when I have my phone glued to my hand, but it's become just a normal habit. And it does hurt to try and break it, because of the number of times I have tried. Bfs and gfs do change the way we are whether we like it or not. Everyone needs someone to depend on, it feels nice to have someone there like that. I've been stuck for almost three years now in relationship after relationship, to me that's unhealthy. But breaking it is hard, especially when nothing is wrong. I've changed topics here about 5 times, I suppose as hard as I try this is really what I defaultly want to write about.

What the point of this entry was supposed to be, was being yourself. After graduation, Jess was going to have me and Alicia go to Larry's with Rob and that "crew". I really had no desire to go because I never talked to anyone that was there and I had a feeling it would be pretty lame. So I get all nervous not knowing what to wear or how to act because I'm a parinoid loser and I can't talk around cocky obnoxious people. Finally I decide on a plan shirt and plad shorts, and after getting all ready with Alicia, Rob calls up and says we are uninvited. Dissapointing because what were we going to do now? But fine because I really didn't want to go anyway. New idea, let's go hang out with the twins. And as soon as we get there, even though there was a kid I've never talked to before there, I felt automatically comfortable just being myself because that's how I was the first day I met them. When you're loud, yourself, and comfortable around people the first time you meet, that's how it always is. And playing pool, bullshit, old maid, talking, and having a laughing fest turned out to be an awesome night. I don't mind living spontaneously like that, but I'm too much of a planner to do it normally like Jeremy does. I guess the world needs people like me so the spontaneous people can have fun.

Summertime is a state of mind, and beauty is having nothing to do but sit and look at the art of you. I couldn't think of better times.

The majority of people who go into random parking lots at night usually have sex. Last night made me hate texting so much more then I already do. Talking together, looking at each other, hearing each other, being close, it makes it so much better. The connection feels so much closer. Especially when you know that you are alone. The only thing stopping you is what you have to leave for.
Jeremy said last night, "I didn't want to lose you when I first met you, because I knew that if I was with you, I would never have to change. Right now, I am exactly how I was a year ago." now that's only half true. Stars fill up the silence in your mind. They connect people. Those kind of connections are being lost. I've realized how precious one on one talking is. Phone conversations, texting, they're not the same as looking at some ones face and feeling their electricity.

Dylan said a few weeks ago, "Wow Jeremy, up until now, I thought you never even kissed her!" And that's exactly how I want it. I hate publicity more and more every day.
 

I wish being stuck wasn't so hard. I wish I wasn't being held back so much. And as much as a part of me is afraid of the lost connections that will happen over the summer, I'm so happy that it's here. Because if it was meant to be, it will happen again when everything else is behind us.

I guess I used to be like that way before any of this popularity started, but it's really.....(adjective) when people broadcast their lives online and try to be descreate about it. The quick wrap from conair would be such an awesome addition to my business. Braids are killing my knuckles. I suppose I don't have to worry much about how other people make hemp as well because I make different hemp and string braceletes then most people. I should probably learn how to spell bracelete before I start getting into some action here though. This summer I'm definitely going to get a debit card as soon as possible to make my etsy life easier. I may continue my writing on and just see where it leads me and what the main focus is. Although I'd rather have it be about things like starting my business, my happiness goals for everyone, or funny observations in life, when I just write what I feel, it's always about the same thing. And no one wants to read about that. I don't want you here anymore. I don't understand why I keep lying to myself and everyone else. I need to stay quiet more, I can't let anything else escape. And here it goes again. It's all I can write about until I think of something to distract myself with. I need it all out though.

Although hundreds of different thoughts run through my mind daily I still have to sit and think of what needs to come out and what needs to stay put. Reading Rolling Stones earlier today, I was extremely discouraged. Yes I'm only 16 and I don't have much experience with writing things like that, but my talents are so lacking. I feel like everyone needs to have one thing just they are good at, the best. But if I find something I'm good at, there's always some one who's better. I suppose reading Rolling Stones more often and getting ideas from the articles in there would help me if I did actually apply to that Grammy Camp next summer. The only teacher that ever told me I was a good writer was Mrs. Bailey...
I hate not knowing. I can't be like that, I am so un-spontaneous. But I'm not even a good planner either. What other categories are there. Lazy?
Well I hate my hair cut. Like I said last year, I'm never cutting it this short again. My hair belongs layered at shoulder height. No shorter no longer. If I want a big change then I can go get ear lobe surgery.
On a lighter note, I got a new inscents burner today. It's a baby glass elephant in a leaf shaped dish. Except i have no idea how to put the inscent sticks in it. There's a little hole in the middle but it's too small for them to fit in. Most likely I got the wrong kind. But I was satisfied with shopping today, I thought my deals were pretty good. 10.50 in the witchy store, 20.11 in bath&body with some good steals as always, 4 bucks on an electric oil burner which was originially 20, my favorite perfume for 3 bucks, and some fragrance oils. Some lady kept asking me for advice on the lavender vanilla relaxing perfume and I told her the first time it was awesome. Then I was guessing she got nervous when I put mine back and ran over to me again and asked if I was sure it was worth it and I said for 3 bucks for that much perfume, I would buy two. I don't think she was convinced.
h&m I finally bought a new purse which is huge because my sister picked it out. It's cute though, and will last me for a while. By the time I got to forever 21 I only had a dollar left so we bought pretzels and I ducked my head while running through the mall. Am I the only person who feels like everyone is staring at her when she eats pretzels and lemonade in the mall?
By the way I hate my hair cut. I guess I want to really get that out there.
I walked out of my room to get something downstairs and as soon as I opened the door I got a huge wiff of garlic and beaf. So I scurried back in my room like an abused dog who doesn't want to be pet. I'm definitely going to have to keep those inscents/oil burner going every day because my room smells delicious with it in.
JADE GARDEN
right? that's the name of the witchy store?

I don't know but this elephant necklace Jess got me is definitely going to be a family loom some day.

My sister complains a lot about how strict my parentals are about us going out. About how they don't want her to sleep at Rob's dorm next year, and how they hate us going out on school nights, how they need us to call when we get there and when we're coming home, how Dad freaks out if people are over and how he wants us to be nuns, how when me and Jess are out with people, we ruin the fun because we have to be home early. And I'm stuck worrying my ass off about my Dad freaking out at me when i get home, about how I should talk to them, what to say, what tone of voice I need to use, etc. But the thing is, we're just not meant to be "partiers". Some people can just leave the house and not even tell they're parents, not give a fuck if they're home at 12 on a school night. But we're not one of them.
Thinking about it, and this is a lame example, but some celebrities talk of not going out partying and always being sort of a "nerd" when they were in high school and college by just doing they're work and going out with girlfriends once in a while.
Honestly, it's not a big deal. My sister brings herself to tears over it, she gets so frustrated by comparing herself to the lives of her friends and saying it's not fair. It just can't be changed. Maybe as we get older, but for now it's just going out whenever and dealing with Dad's stupidity.
Honestly, I don't have fun when I'm with those people who drive 100 miles per hour down the back roads, blasting their subs and passing every car possible. I sit there cringing in my sit and praying that nothings going to happen. I don't like sitting in a restuaraunt and having people tell me I'm offally quiet, pointing out that I don't fit in with the crowd there. I also absolutely hate it when my parents are nagging me with 10 texts a minute asking when I'm going to be home while everyone else is ready for ice cream at 830 but they have to leave because I needed to be home a half an hour ago.
Chiling with my friends at their house, stuffing our faces and watching movies is fun for me. Gossiping, looking through year books, making fun of people on TV, going for walks outside, and if we want a little adventure we'll go shopping for bargins. Why venture outside of that little sanctuary? I compare my "different" nights to those I feel more comfortable with and it makes me love my friends so much more. I don't want to have to impress people, so I keep quiet which has the opposite affect and brings even more negative attention towards me. Why can't I just be myself and let loose? Because most people will get really freaked out when they see some random girl crossing her eyes and asking if they want to see her paper clip collection.
I like quiet people, because I like making people laugh. Making quiet people laugh is easy because they're usually very polite and just want someone to joke around with them. That's how I make the majority of my friends at least, by being friendly, sarcastic, and weirder then usual.

I think that's enough time talking about myself though.

Gotoworkgotoworkgotowork, hmm that's not right. I need to one for Sunday!

Finishing off on a large amount of annoying things on my "to-do" list felt awesome. I bet it will feel even better to actually cross them off though. My jewelry business is also booming. hah. Well if I had anything to sell. I started a website, I'm getting orders left and right and I'm getting all opportunities of different places and ads for it. But I have no good hemp, no organization, no bank account, and no jewelry. This could be a problem. I also have to rethink my price range seeing as hemp necklaces usually go for about $15. Although my mediocre ones will definitely not be worth that much, I have to calculate prices of beads, hemp, string, and labor time. Eden actually gave me some good advice for once. So I am thinking of just putting a sign on my website that says "postponed to reopening on July 5" That should give me plenty of time to get my shit together. I hope. I also hope that I can get some more info on writing music reviews. That would be so awesome if I got into that grammy camp. Although I really wish I were better at writing. I honestly don't know what my true talents are, but I suppose if I really give this jewelry business my all, I can get somewhere. I'll eventually talk to father about getting an etsy, which will make life easier. Maybe after I get my camera as well so I can actually put pictures of different jewelry up. I need help :[

My jewelry business is going pretty shitty so far. Well I haven't really started yet, so I guess this would be a good time to seeing as I'm not doing anything for four hours. Well, 2 1/2 now I suppose. I'm surprised my boss hasn't come out yet to meet me. He's probably in his office eating a subway sandwich and watching youtube videos.
I've been trying to brainstorm ways to start this business, but I honestly have no idea. Maybe I'll make a myspace, or just a website. Yea a website would probably be better. And then I can make business cards, ask Jordan to possibly. Ben said when he goes out to California this summer he'll try to sell some of my stuff which would be awesome. Right now I just need to organize my work and get it going. I need a lot more hemp, and a shelf to organize all my string and separate my beads. I'm so unorganized right now it's been stressing me out.

I suppose I could talk about prom for a little bit.
It was fun.

So when we got home, Jeremy, Rob, Jess and I all sat on the couch and popped in Running With Scissors. Half way through the movie we heard a huge crash. Honestly, if I see that fucking cat's face ever again I might just throw him into the street as an 18 wheeler is going by.
We searched the house for any signs of destruction and found nothing downstairs. I was guessing something fell in Jess's room seeing as they never go in my room, but low and behold. I opened my door to find my night stand smashed on the ground, my ihome, phone, lamp, notebook, and all my picture frames soaked in vanilla scented oil and shards of glass. Good thing I took my rugs out right?

So at 2:30 in the morning, I was once again cleaning up a mess that my animals made. Although I would never like to call those fucking cats, "my animals."
So, new lamp I suppose. I am too scared to turn on my alarm clock/ihome.
If I don't collapse in exshaust when I get home from work, I'll probably just clean my entire room. Dances make my room so messy, even though I was barely in there to get ready.

My friggin Aunt. She's so awesome. My hair, my earrings, my necklace, my dress, my clutch, my shoes. All from her. Dad suggested I sell my clarinet to her for 650. I was thinking free or maybe 400 as a thanks. But I definitely gotta do something else. Jeremy loves that family. He wont stop talking about how awesome Tommy is and my Aunt Mary. I think Emily is going to have a pretty smooth teenage life.
I suppose I should start looking on how to make a website now.

Lyrics to Show Me Your Genitals 2 : E=MC Vagina

Aahhh yeah, I’m back…bitches.
Women are equal and they deserve respect,
Just kidding, they should suck my dick.
Vagina (what!)…vagina (what!)…
I want to have sex with your vagina (uhh)
Vagina (what!)…vagina (what!)…
2 plus 2 = vagina (uhh).

My love is like lightning…
It gives girls orgasms.
My dick is like an airplane…
It gives girls orgasms.

I’m the Wayne Gretzky of sexual stuff.
I’m the Hulk Hogan of slamming muff.
I’m the Indiana Jones of exploring crotch.
I’m the Shakespeare of enormous cock.
I’m the Helen Keller of having sex.
No, wait…that’s a bad example.

Why did my penis cross the road?
To get to the other…
Vagina (what!)…vagina (what!)…
I want to have sex with your vagina (uhh)
Vagina (what!)…vagina (what!)…
E=MC Vagina

I’ve got a present for you right here.
Actually, it’s not a present…
It’s my penis and I like to call it The Spear
Cause spears are long and hard, just like my penis.

I don’t like it when you talk,
Cause that just means your not sucking my cock.
Love is for girls and gays,
If you wanna be with me it goes one of two ways…
Either you have sex with me…
Or you have sex with me.

I have really good sex moves,
That I learned in China.
I’m a sexual tiger,
And I feed on vagina (raahhrr)

Vagina (what!)…vagina (what!)…
I want to have sex with your vagina (uhh)
Vagina (what!)…vagina (what!)…
What time is it? It’s vagina.

What’s the difference between a girl’s mouth and a girl’s vagina?
There is none…I want my penis to be inside both of those things.

I’m a good sex man.
Girls love my sex.
I’m a good sex man,
Because my sex is the best.

I’m like Jean Claude Van Damme,
But instead of fighting people,
I have sex with them.

No matter how many times I shave my legs, the hair wont go away. Hopefully when I become a rich bastard someday I will save up the money for laser hair removal. Of course I'd have to look that up in case it involves syringes. Which it probably does...
I always tell myself, last time I tried Nair I just did it wrong or something, this time it will definitely work. But it never does. My legs always become extremely irritated and red. But I'm still going to try it again. Or maybe I'll just buy some new stuff. I need to go health&beauty shopping again some time soon. I am trying to debate whether I should spend my $190 from confirmation on saving for a camera, or on every biologe product I can find.
I suppose it would be smarter to save it for the camera, but I need beachy goodness. Which reminds me that I realized that biologe is definitely my favorite smell, I was just distracted by country apple and warm vanilla sugar. Then after Mark recommend it to me it turned out as fate when I remembered the scent from being a little girl showering in my aunt's outdoor shower beach house. Too bad I can't find the lotion anywhere.
Lately, seeing Shelby and Eleanor together, they remind me of a mentally challenged patient with a tiny impatient counsler. Especially when Shelby laughs obnoxiously over ridiculous things and Eleanor rolls her eyes and tells her to shush that shes making a scene and being immature. Of course when I tell them my theory it only makes Shelby laugh harder and look more "mentally challenged"
So I'm being stupid and caring about having color for prom. I gave in and put on some of moms fake shit tanning lotion which smells delicious. But now I'm afraid I wont feel like it and putting it on for three days will be a waste of time. I have zero motivation.
Today in gym class I actually ran the mile. I ran it, all four laps. Well I didn't run the whole thing but I did go all four laps which is new for me. I ran most of it which is more then half which is also a new record for me. Of course I couldn't have done it without Shelby telling me to keep going, which is why I need motivation. I also need to get in shape because after I ran I felt like I was going to cough up blood, throw up, and pass out all at the same time. But the feeling of wanting to murder Ms. Walsh for giving me a C+ was much greater then these three others. "11.05, that's a C+ Gina, good job."
Um, fuck you wrinkly scrawnball bitch. That was the hardest I've ever worked in gym class in my life, I deserve an A+++++ for that one. And for the rest of my high school career. God I hate her so fucking much.
Maybe it's my ovaries talking. But I am very upset with that stupid cunt.
Even though Uncle Michael is working, I still want to call and invite him to the art show. It would be a lot nicer if he came. It's pretty disappointing that he probably can't. He's the only one really proud of me for my shitty work. I need to buy film and work on it before I forget how to do photography. I haven't even started my photo collage yet. And I'm bored all the time.
I need to make a to do list that's not on my cellphone so I can see it all the time. Cause I have a lot to do, and lately all I have been doing is sleeping, and sneezing.

Sometimes I wish I had a journal for my mind so I wouldn't forget my dreams. Two nights ago I had a dream, I'm not sure how it started but the beginning that I remember was that CJ was a professional soccer player and no one really cared all that much. So I decided to watch one of his games on TV that night and I realized he was actually pretty good and scored most of the goals. Then the camera zoomed in on his "mom's" face in the audience (which was actually emily stanton's mom...) and two of her friends. The announcer said to the camera, "And there is Crayton's mother faithfully cheering him on in the stands." which made her realize she was on TV which led to all three of them waving excitedly at the camera.
Then it zoomed in on Decan from King Of Queens who also was in the audience. Then I was in a car with him...I forgot how that happened to.
But I was coming home from the band trip...in his car...and he was trying to bring me to some house in the woods and I looked at him and said, "I've never kissed a black man before" which probably came from my earlier conversation that day of Shelby, Ben and I discussing how we all wanted to date black men before we die.
So then I was by myself in a car/walking...I don't really remember...and I was going through these maze-like trails in the woods that kept going in circles. Finally I was at Tyler Randall's house which didn't make much sense and I found my cellphone on the ground in the bushes outside of his house. So then I was walking to Ben's house which was also my house...but when I got there it wasn't either of our houses...
And Shelby was inside with her french horn and all her bags from the trip. It was nighttime so she put her finger to her lip and sneaked upstairs to get ready for bed....?
So then I followed her and I woke up.

My dreams don't make any sense :/
Stephanie Myer gets to have her dreams put into a movie. Dumb bitch.

whether you like it or not
hahahah people these days,

hah, actually thats a pretty good question.
My cousin Tommy had one and I thought it was cool, so I made one and I posted an "innapropriate" story on it, or said my Aunt, so I deleted it.
Then I made another one a few months later and posted a bunch of shit on it
then everyone started making them and it became a huge drama fest were girls like to complain about they're boy issues.
So now its not fun anymore.
Actually it's pretty fun to read,
so I guess it is still fun.

I am distracted so easily. When I'm telling people stories, and they interrupt me with a joke or an input, I feel bad not laughing, but I always am concentrating on what I need to say because I know if I get too distracted I will totally forget what I was talking about. Like how I barely crack a smile when people joke while I'm telling a story and they get all offended like jeez Gina fucking bitch don't laugh at my joke.
Actually Shelby and Elle do say that to me, but that's okay, lawling.
Also, funny story of the day,
actually probably only like Abby would laugh at this
but I had to take a huge shit in gym, of course, so I didn't go and then outside with my darling Kate Fusco, she said she had to pee and Shelby said, "oh nice well Gina has to poop!" so Kate grabbed my arms and dragged me back inside.
In the girls athletic locker rooms, Kate ran in a stall to pee and I was like nope I can't do this, too much pressure, she can hear me doing everything.
So walked into the stall and sat down, immediately followed with a PFFFFFFT from my butt.....echoing throughout the whole locker room
"Woops didn't expect that one!" I said
and i heard Kate laughing hysterically a few stalls over
so then she said she'd leave so i could have a little privacy which made me feel even more pressured
so I decided to just leave it with a peep and squeeze my cheeks while I ran half a mile. Only one more period till I could go home.